PLANT BASTARD: Fallopia japonica

So here's another plant bastard. This one's a real fucker. Fallopia japonica, or Japanese knotweed, is native to Japan, China, and Korea. It is extremely invasive and has been found thriving throughout North America and Europe. It is currently found in 39 of the 50 states in the U.S.

Take a good look at this guy. This bastard is on the World Conservation Union's list of 100 worst invasive species. It looks somewhat like bamboo, but is not related. It is extremely resilient, tolerating temperatures as low as -31°F. Its roots can spread to a radius of approximately 25' around the center of the plant and extend 10 feet deep into the soil. Unless all roots are completely removed Fallopia will continue to resprout.

The real reason Japanese knotweed deserves the title 'PLANT BASTARD' is because it destroys the foundations of buildings. If one bit of the root of the Fallopia plant is left underneath a new development, it can slowly grow and eat through the concrete of the new buildings. A £2 million housing development in England was recently halted due to the discovery of Fallopia. They are currently uprooting the plant and hauling it off in sealed containers to ensure no new seeds are left on the site.

Japanese knotweed has spread widely throughout the United Kingdom, where over £150 million are spent annually to keep this weed under control. It is such a bastard that there are businesses that exist solely to eradicate its presence. Japanese Knotweed Control is a British company that uses herbicide stem injections (technology from an American company in Washington) to destroy the Fallopia that grows throughout several of the royal parks of London. The process takes nine months to take full effect, but it is extremely more cost-effective than excavation, which was the former solution to Japanese knotweed infestation.

Interestingly enough, Japanese knotweed is also edible. So if you happen to find some of it in your garden, carefully dig out every single root, taking delight while ripping it to shreds and then take some of the shoots and make cake, wine, sherbet or eat it boiled with dashi and sake! Relish in this bastard's demise.

PLANT BASTARD: Monotropa uniflora

What an odd little plant, eh?

Monotropa uniflora is a plant (not a fungus!) that does not contain chlorophyll. It is one of only 3,000 plant species that are non-photosynthetic. It is commonly known as Ghost Plant, Indian Pipe, or Corpse Plant.

It is found in the deep, dark parts of the United States east of the Great Plains. It doesn't need sunlight, so it hides out in the dense forest understory like a little creep. Oddly enough it is part of the family Ericaceae which is also responsible for blueberries (a personal hate).

So how does Monotropa get nutrients? It teams up with mycorrhizal fungi, which take carbon dioxide from a host tree and convert the CO₂ to sucrose. From there the fungus turns the sucrose into sugar alcohols called trehalose. Monotropa then tricks the fungus into perceiving they are in a mycorrhizal relationship together, and the fungus gives up the sugar alcohols to Monotropa and then receives nothing in return. Monotropa, what a bastard.